so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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