i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
