i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
