I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
