Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
