New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
it glows. i had to have it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
