Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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