Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
