FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
