I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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