A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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