Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
