So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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