When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize