remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
