bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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