what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize