my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
