were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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