there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
