Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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