I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
you made out with another girl for some wings
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
