I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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