Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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