I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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