You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
