he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
