I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
