the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize