Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
