he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
