Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
