Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
