I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
