do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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