The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
