uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize