I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
