great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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