it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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