Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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