dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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