good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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