I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
