saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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