I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
