I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
