I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
