clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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