He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize