I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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