I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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