I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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