Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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