i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
