i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
