i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
