I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize