I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
