Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This is the high leading the old right now
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
