You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
