Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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