it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
