I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize