so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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