my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
