Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
