Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
