My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
