Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize