My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
