last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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