Having a random hookup so left but love u
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
