I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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