This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
