is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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