you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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