I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
