gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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