so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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