I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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