As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
