If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The beer is more important than you right now.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
