everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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