What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
