Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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