I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
