It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
