Where is the hickey?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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