My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I party with great urgency now.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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