I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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