Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
