Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
