when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
