Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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