This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
