your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
