why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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