I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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