I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
