I think my fart just growled at me.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
