Just mADE A PArabola og urine
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
