Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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