It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
