well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
