I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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