just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have fence marks all over my body
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Drunk is not a location!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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