I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
