how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
