Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
